


A different kind of angel

by cloudnymphs



Series: of Angels, Stars, Moons and the Sun (and perhaps of night) -goshin with the likelihood of goshinzamsu [1]
Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Romance, Survivor Guilt, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:13:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29543592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudnymphs/pseuds/cloudnymphs
Summary: Shin discovers his importance is more than his worth as a Supreme Kai and Goku gets the courage to ask his crush out on a date.OrGoku wonders why Shin was so willing to give up his life for Merus.
Relationships: Son Goku/Supreme Kai | Shin (Dragon Ball)
Series: of Angels, Stars, Moons and the Sun (and perhaps of night) -goshin with the likelihood of goshinzamsu [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2170506
Kudos: 5





	A different kind of angel

By his nature, Shin was a recluse. 

He enjoyed people’s company, but after a while or so he’d find his solace alone. Whether he be around his own kind, or in the case with the mortals, there were times when the warm party lights and low murmur of the crowds were too much for him to take.

That evening, he’d been invited to a small gathering with Bulma and her friends. It was another celebration to commemorate Goku and the other saving the world--again. Given Shin had played a part--specifically bringing Merus back--he had been invited as well per Goku’s request. 

He wasn’t one for social gatherings, but as a deity attempting to grow closer to mortals, entertaining these things was a must--at least that’s what Old Kai said. To be fair, he wasn’t a stranger to this group--he’d known them since Buu had attacked, and was even close to some like Chi Chi, Goku and Gohan. 

However, there was simply something about this night, something that made him feel as if he didn’t belong, and that made enjoying the air of happiness difficult. Even though he was present, and he could see the smiles and feelings the joy radiating off of the others, he didn’t feel like he was welcomed. There was a voice calling from somewhere, telling him that he was a fraud--that the happiness so casually experienced among the others wasn’t reserved for the likes of him. 

It was because of that feeling he found himself some distance away from the party. His back turned to the murmuring barbecue as he sat just upon the sandy shore a few yards away. His dark eyes overlooked one of Bulma’s endless lakes, his vision resting on some city lights not too far off. 

A funny thought seemed to preoccupy Shin’s mind and for a moment he wondered if Bulma owned the rest of the town just past this lake. Probably not yet, it was a possibility--she was after all the richest woman on the Earth. Shin never understood nor agreed with the concept of money and wealth, and not sharing it with others, especially given the Earth was so ravaged now...perhaps one day Bulma would--

“Yo! Shin--I mean Supreme Kai!” 

The voice undoubtedly belonging to Goku, forced Shin out of his thoughts and caused him to nearly jump to his feet. “No need to stand up--just wanted to check up on you! You’re all the way out here, huh? I was wondering where you were.” At this time, Goku entered Shin’s space and sat down next to him. There was a bout of silence until Goku let out a rather audible sigh, stretching just a bit before adjusting himself as he resigned to staring over the lake.

“Man--I’m full.” 

“You did eat a lot.” Shin chuckled in response. “I knew Saiyans had an appetite, but you and Vegeta always surprise me.” 

Goku grinned back. “He ate a whole cake--I don’t think I could do that. Well, at least not on a full stomach.”

Shin’s white eyebrows rose in excitement. “Really--I can’t imagine that!”

“Well, you would’ve seen that if you didn’t run off.” Goku chuckled. “You always seem to run off nowadays--that’s why I wanted to check on you and see if everything was okay.”

“It’s fine.” Shin pushed a smile, his dark eyes mirroring Goku’s before he rested his gaze back upon the water. “My species is primarily solitary. We don’t always prefer the company of others, but I’m getting used to it, and I enjoy your company the most Goku.”

Goku chuckled, that same chuckle that used to drive Shin crazy yet now, it brought warmth to his heart. He may not have had that much to say but he enjoyed Goku’s presence. He was grateful that Goku came looking for him. It was strange in the sense that, Shin wasn’t one for company but—he didn’t want to be alone and it just seemed as if Goku could understand that.

“Oh! Shin I wanted to thank you for what you did…for Merus.” Goku spoke, his voice softening at the mention of a dear friend.

“You’re welcome!” Shin beamed. “If I may ask---how did you now I did that? It was an agreement between the Daishinkan and I—and of course Whis and Beerus knew…I didn’t expect it to make it back to you!”

“Whis told me!” Goku responded, nervously itching the back of his head.

“Of course he did.” Shin grinned, knowing it was Whis’s nature to fill Goku in even on matters that didn’t concern him. “Well—I think that Merus was an amazing angel and he deserved life, he deserved to live. I’d offer my life for anyone who deserved it.”

There was the sound of the waves crashing against the shore, the blare of a train’s horn somewhere in the distance rattling them both. Shin could see its light illuminating off the surface of the water, somewhat obscuring his vision. It was then, Goku cleared his throat, causing Shin to look rather curiously.

“Is everything okay?”

“I just have to know,” Goku began. “Why were you so willing to die for someone you didn’t know? Merus is one of my best friends, and I’ll always care about him but…Supreme Kai…if anything happened to you I don’t know what I’d do. There were other ways—you’re smart enough to know that. Why would give your life?”

“I—”

“And I’ve been thinking about it you know,” Goku cut him off, his arms crossed as he gave Shin a less than pleased look. The tone had shifted drastically and Shin was not sure what to make of it. “Merus was erased—as if he didn’t exist. The payment has to match the object right—do you think that you’d just die normally and go to Other World if you gave your life for an erased Angel? You know, Whis told me something—and it was that, if anyone sacrifices their life for an angel—they disappear, just like the angel. No other world, no nothing—and no Dragon Balls can bring them back….but that’s not the important part. He also told me something else.”

Shin gulped, a dry lump growing in his throat making it a bit difficult to breathe. He knew exactly where this conversation was going and couldn’t bring himself to answer Goku directly—at least not yet. He never knew the subject of him offering to bring Merus back would lead to Goku looking…well…angry at him. But to Goku’s question, Shin shook his head like a child caught in the act of lying, for he already knew what Goku would say.

“Whis told me that you knew that Shin. You knew the risk, that you would just cease to exist…and you still offered anyway. Shin why the _hell_ would you do that?”

Now Goku grew silent, giving Shin a chance to cover for himself. For the majority of the next minute, Shin sat there with his mouth agape, not able to find the words to defend himself. It was hard to look at Goku now; his expression had turned from happy, to worried, now to angry—somewhat annoyed. Shin knew he had to say something eventually, for even Goku, as kind as he was could only wait for so long.

So Shin took a breath, saying the only logical thing that came to his mind.

“I knew how happy he made you, and how he’d helped you achieve such an amazing ability…he meant so much to you and…I had to do something. I didn’t help you fight Moro and I should’ve, so that was the least I could’ve done.” Shin was being partially honest. “For all you’ve done—you deserve that.”

“That isn’t good enough, Shin.” Goku chided. “And that still isn’t anywhere near an excuse…that just makes it worse and you’re not even being honest with me—”

“Who…who would really care if anything happened to me?” Shin didn’t mean to cut him off, but he couldn’t hold it in anymore. He sighed, let out an even deeper shudder and his shoulders slumped and he continued. “I mean…I’m not like you, I’m not like Merus, or anything—my death wouldn’t make a difference. Old Kai is there, Kibito is there…if one Shinjin dies another sprouts from our tree.”

He stopped for a while, as the cold realization of his words hit both of them. The lake caught his glance, and he found himself drawn more to that than he did Goku at that moment. Eventually, Shin stood up in an effort to get fresh air. Despite being outside, he felt constricted and ashamed. He thought he had done the right thing, yet here Goku was, making him second guess himself.

Shin walked a few feet to the water’s edge. Even in the darkness he could see his reflection clearly and he could not hide how distraught he looked. Eventually Goku joined him from behind, his larger figure reflecting behind Shin.

“It’s also because…there’s a part of me that doesn’t think I deserve to live. Not after I got to survive and my master and family didn’t. My master didn’t even see me yet during this Moro incident…I know he’s angry at me so why should I survive. The truth is Goku…maybe I don’t deserve to live, when there’s so many good people. So if someone like Merus died, then why should I…who has nothing to offer to this universe, survive and not him. Some people just don’t deserve life…and I’m one of them.”

He could already see the distraught expression on Goku’s face through the reflected water, and it was clearer when he turned to face him.

Shin wore a blank stare until he saw the true extent of horror on Goku’s face. It wasn’t just that Goku looked sick, or upset…no there was something different about him…something that Shin had _never_ seen before…

To his shock…Goku looked devastated—and his eyes were filled with tears.

“Why would you say such awful things?” Goku managed, his voice slightly cracking. “You’re worth a lot more than that Shin.” He had to sit down to take in everything Shin said, and instinctively, Shin did the same. 

Again, the silence seemed to seep into the cervices of their conversations, yet at that moment, Shin preferred the quietness to everything. He didn’t know how to recover from anything he said, nor how to make the situation better.

“Have you always felt this way, Shin?” Goku decide to break the ice, his voice just a bit more stern now.

“Since my master died.” Shin replied in all honesty.

“Shin…I…I know how tough it can be but you can’t think like that.” Goku practically demanded. “My friends…my family, they’ve died for me countless times but, I don’t ever think that I’m not worth living. And hey, maybe you aren’t a Saiyan warrior, or an angel but…you’re Shin and you don’t know how much you mean to people…how much you mean to me. If people die for you, that means they love you—so you can’t hurt the people you love by thinking that!” Goku placed a hand on his shoulder. “Whenever you’re around, you make me happy—you’re like me, you know? People say I’m silly and aloof and you know, that’s true most of the times but…so are you? I feel like we’re the same and I like that, I like having someone like me.”

That much caused Shin to laugh, and near instantly, the whole mood change. Goku laughed with him. 

“Also—it’s not your fault that your family was killed by Buu. It’s sad, but…that’s not your fault. I know your master didn’t visit you but, he and Buu couldn’t keep that form for to long. He wanted to though.” With his hand already around Shin’s shoulder, he pulled him close and naturally, Shin practically melted into Goku.

His head rested on Goku’s chest as he closed his eyes, allowing Goku to talk more.

“So…don’t ever think that your life isn’t worth nothing. If you were to…if anything happened to you….I’d be devastated. If I figured out you died to bring Merus back I—I wouldn’t be happy at all. I know this is bad to say,” Goku took a deep breath, his mind trying to find just what words would make this situation more bearable. “but if you need a reason to stay alive…let me be the reason, for now. We’ll have to get you help, you know? So you won’t be thinking these bad things—I know Chi Chi goes to therapy, so does Gohan…maybe you can go with them.”

“Oh Goku.” Shin chuckled, finally speaking. “I don’t even know what to say…no one has ever been that kind to me.” He sat up, pushing himself off of Goku’s chest and looking up at him. “I…I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“Aww—It’s okay Shin! As long as you feel better!” Goku chuckled. “But promise you’ll get help? You don’t know how much you’ve saved me…I can’t let you think like this.”

“I promise. I’ll get help.”

Shin leaned into Goku, laying on his arm as they watched the city lights reflect upon the water. It was then, Goku cleared his throat again as the bright moon caught both their attention.

“I can’t figure it out.” Goku started.

“Can’t figure what out?” Shin asked, looking up at the sky with Goku.

“If you’re like the moon or an angel.” Goku chuckled. “Or the stars…all three.” 

Shin laughed. “What do you mean by that?” He asked quietly.

“It’s like, I know the moon is there you know—and even the stars. I know they’re always watching me even though I can’t see them. There are sometimes when I feel tired you know, and always having to be strong for others isn't easy...I used to go outside at night to clear my mind, to be vulnerable and when I thought I was weak for doing that, I'd always look up and see the stars and moon. They were bright, and vibrant sometimes as if they were talking to me--or smiling at me...letting me know that it's okay to think like this." He took a breath, as both understood that story was difficult to tell. He'd held it in for so long. Shin considered it a privilege that Goku opened up to him in this way.

"Even if they didn’t come down to join me, or even if they didn’t always save me…I knew they were watching. And they did save me in a strange way.” He sighed. “Now when I look at the moon…or the stars and how they light the way, and do so much without even knowing…I think of you. Even when I’m in danger…you’re always looking down at me, guiding me and helping me if you can. You’re always helping me Shin, and don’t even know that’s what you’re doing.” Goku snickered. “Or maybe you do—maybe you know that I’m looking back up at you.”

Shin laughed, playfully nudging Goku until Goku eventually pulled him into a tight embrace.

“Not an angel then?” Shin whispered.

“Hmm—a different type of angel.” Goku responded. “One just as important. Sometimes, I wish I didn’t meet the angels or destroyers. I kind of miss my ignorance before I knew them, I missed when I thought angels were bright figures that came down to help people, or that gave poor people food or money, or who were always there even when you didn’t know they were looking.”

“Our angels are a little sassy.” Shin chuckled.

“Yeah…” Goku sighed. “So, whenever I want to remember that time, of my ignorance I guess…I think of you. You’re a different type of angel…not one like Whis or the Daishinkan or any of his children, not even one like in the paintings or stories. You’re not perfect, you’re not flawless, and you’re strangely…human. But you’re kind, and sweet…and to me, that makes you an angel—even more so than the angels in the paintings…or the angels we know. It’s almost as if” Goku slightly blushed. “You’re an angel who was made just for me.”

“And your moon and stars.” Shin added, blushing just as much.

“My moon and stars.” Goku rather sheepishly, but whole heartedly repeated.

“Then if I am your moon and stars, and your angel…then you’re my sun. The light I see even when I’m sad, the light that keeps me going.” Shin smiled.

There was again, that comfortable silence that passed as Shin adjusted to Goku’s embrace. As of current, he sat in Goku’s lap overlooking the lake, Goku’s arms were wrapped around Shin, as his chin rested on Shin’s white, fluffy hair. They both stood there, looking at the lights bounce of the water until there was another shift from Goku.

“Um Shin.” He asked quietly. “Would you like to go out eating with me.”

“What?”

“What?” Goku responded quickly, his nerves clearly losing their ground. “I mean—it’s nothing, just forget I asked.”

“I thought you asked me if I’d like to go out with you.” Shin responded, playing coy. “If so—I’d say no, not because I wouldn’t want to, but because it was always my dream to ask you out first…after all you’ve done for me. So Goku, would you go out with me?”

He could feel Goku smile from behind him.

“Of course,…Shin.”

At that moment, Goku’s grip around Shin tightened and the two remained there for the majority of the night, watching the light skip upon the water and occasionally gazing up at the vibrant moon and stars.

**Author's Note:**

> This was SOO fun to write. I have a soft spot for these two and always feel like they’re each others strength. I love writing them be there for each other and I also like delving into Shin and his trauma and then sometimes delving into Goku’s. Anyway, please tell me what you think. Follow me on twitter if you wanna see more for these two.
> 
> Also in my headcanons, the Grand Supreme Kai tells Goku something he wants him to tell Shin. I'm gonna write a fic about that.


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